Coming Out of the Comic Book Closet

Over in my mainstream blog, Squirrelvision, I came to terms, verbally, with my comic book love. Even as recently as yesterday, I purchased several graphic novels that I cannot wait to finish. Now, I probably should point out, I’m not alone. If websites like gayleague.com and pinkkryptonite.com can attest, by their mere presence, many gays and lesbians can really link to the universe of superheroes that Marvel comics and DC comics write about.
Now, I’m sure, if were to study the numbers, we’d come to the realization that gays and lesbians are no more likely to love comic books any more then African-Americans or Hindus, but those numbers aren’t what I care about.

I just care about how the latest issue of Justice is going end!

The fact is, however, as I recently watched Iron Man 2 two weeks ago, I noticed that the comic book world is changing ever-so-slightly to fit the times. I believe, and hear me out on this, that gay men are attracted to superheroes due to several items. One of those items is the hot, tight clothing.

Okay, so it's not a super tight costume...but did you see those arms?????????

The other?

Living two lives. Superheroes, have two sides that they must reconcile in order to be successful. Some come to grips by accepting who they are. Think of the students at Xavier’s School. Those kids come to grips with their superpowers through working together and slowly interacting with the world around them.

Some, like Superman, really do keep both worlds at bay. No one knows Superman. He flies out too quickly before the press can snap a picture. But he still can contribute to the society at large. Batman too.  Batman uses his secrets to creep out his opponents.

So why bring this up now? Well, in the last three years, as queers have gained some ground in equal acceptance, so have superheroes—albeit symbolically.

I’m drawn to the end of Iron Man, the first one. In 2008, good old Tony Stark does something that doesn’t happen in many comic book adaptations.

He admits he’s Iron Man without irony or shame. The crowd goes wild.
And, that continues into that most recent movie. He’s living his life and helping others and doing what he set out to do. He is not condemned for being himself. Well, wait. He IS, but those individuals were the villains, interestingly enough!
Basically, folks, he came out of the closet. And he’s all the more awesome because of it.


Now it didn’t stop there. For those of you following the Marvel titles, 2007 saw the famed “Civil War” story arc. Several heroes had to stand up when the government requested anyone with powers to register and be in military training—so no one would ever be hurt. The storyline was fascinating. A “Civil War” broke out between heroes. Some upheld the new law. Tony Stark was one. Some fought against it---Captain America being their leader. BTW, this ended up with him being killed and, yes, it shook up the Marvel Universe.

But I look to one point in the storyline that also shook the comic book world and, well, mine as well. Young Peter Parker ‘came out’ as the savior of NYC, Spiderman. Yes, his family was threatened. Yes, he had to help them escape—and he even went from working with Iron Man to working with Cap’n America, but the boy was gone. He grew up in one single title’s issue.
And now? His adventure continues and the City still loves him!

Now last week, I brought in my laptop and watched a few DVDs at work while I graded papers and got my lesson plans in order. Being the geek that I am, I decided to watch Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. I loved the movie, and will be honest with you, I didn’t really read the title, just copies of the story arc as people said, “check this out…” The movie starts off with the CIA continuing to keep him a secret as he fights for the public. They insist the world-at-large isn’t ready for him to ‘come out’ yet and so they work on keeping him a secret. Yet he is working for the people, banishing evils left and right. His small family aches and twitches with petty arguments (he and his pyrokinetic girlfriend) and they look to be on the brink of separating.

“HB” decides enough is enough. He leaps out of a window during one mission, effectively forcing himself on the unready public. They freak, to be sure, but they don’t kill him. They don’t accept him (he’s a reformed demon, after all), but they start to see him for what he does and he doesn’t have to hide. His family grows and finds a peace they didn’t have before.

He had ‘come out’ As well.
As life reflects art and art reflects life, I am massively hopeful this means something for all of us. That, maybe, as more and more heroes accept their truth, more in my community will as well.

Espeically now. I've learned that our first, major, gay character, Northstar, in the title of Nation X, will be elaborating on life with his non-super-powered lover in San Francisco. Please, dear God, let this be a sign!

The "Rent-Boy" Scandal

Coming out of the closet was hell. There was so much I didn’t know. I didn’t know how my friends, who had been so decent up to till that point, would react. They never had spoken about homosexuality before, so I had no idea how they would respond. Same goes for my family. The press? Only the negatives really made headlines, so I couldn’t rely on that.


But I had to do it. I was lying to everyone by pretending to be someone I wasn’t, and, even if they wouldn’t talk to me afterwards, I would, at least, live with the person I was—not some facsimile that others wanted. I never felt bad about my love for my fellow man. My family had taught me volumes about acceptance about individuals and individualality that I knew I could be who I was meant to be.

Coming out would also let me focus on being myself and not worrying about what lies I had to create to make sure others were happy and content. It was beyond measure and important…

…to myself.

However, a large part of me wishes that it was a nonissue. That, during elementary school, I could have said “I’m gay” and the teacher would let me write my purple-and-red Valentine’s to Brian in the front of the classroom and not Melissa who kept wanting me to go to her birthday party. And when someone said to me in my dorm years, “do you have a girlfriend?” , I could answer, “no, but I am looking for a boyfriend!” without fear.

An excellent role model-friend of mine advised me to live as everyone already knew I was queer and I’ve been doing that since she suggested it.

And I’ve been confident ever since. No coming out necessary!

Recently, someone was forced out of the closet and it has a national impact on us all. Ever hear of George Rekers?

He’s a pretty famous American “psychologist” and Christian minister. I put the quotes on that comment, because, well, it’s come to light that he doesn’t practice good psychology these days, that’s for sure. Mr. Rekers is what some might refer to as an “ex-gay.”

I hate the words “ex-gay.” For it’s an untruth. Homosexualty happens in your brain, folks. I speak from experience. I knew I was gay before I even touched another man. I knew I was gay before my first haircut review. I knew I was gay before getting the lead in the musical. It has nothing to do with the physical or interactions; it has everything to do with your brain. I dreamt about men when I was kid, not women. I only felt comfortable on dates with guys, I only felt normal in the company of a decent man. So the term ex-gay is misleading. Unless someone has gone into his head and removed part of his brain that makes his sexual impulses he’s what we should be calling a “non-practicing-gay.”

So, this non-practicing-gay, goes ahead and preaches that homosexuality can be cured and with everyone’s favorite polictal pundit, James Dobson, starts the Family Research Council. This group uses the guise of maintaining the family as a manner to push their own agenda and businesses. They lobby the government and get laws made to make sure the cash flow stays secure. George even goes a step further and establishes a group called NARTH, the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality. This group continues specific treatments to “cure” people of being gay.

The therapy works on the concept that being gay is bad, very bad. And through your self-loathing, you can fight the impulses of wanting to go shopping and wear great colors. And in order to keep getting cash for this therapy, the organization does it’s best to make the general public feel that being gay is a bad thing and that gays hate themselves as you do.

Obviously, they’ve never been to a PrideFest! I’m sorry, I don’t see any self hating there.

If you can wear this with a broad smile...you do not hate yourself. No matter what a therapist is telling you from their cell phone on their yacht!

The therapy is something of a joke. Far from research, you can check out a documentation of one of their weeklong session here. During the workshop, you see a bunch of weird encounters that kinda freak me out. One young man, you can read, is encouraged to beat senseless a effigy of his own father—a man who wasn’t man enough to raise him to be true man. Another encounter is relay of men holding men shirtless. Both of these things didn’t happen to my older brother and yet he’s as manly as they come. So, ah, well, WTF? I’m thinking the therapy is merely a reason to say they are doing something and then collect your cash for your own misunderstood homosexuality.

Alright, on and on I go, so here’s George, right? And he is a non-practicing-gay and he gets back to America after a workshop of the coast of Florida. And, well, he has a male prostitute with him. Right there in the airport. A young twenty something, standing there, not holding any baggage for him or anything. People immediately recognize the young man as a post-er on the website “Rent-boy.com” where men can find companionship for a few nights.

Please notice who's lifting the luggage...he hired the prostitute to do it, yet.....

George had apparently fallen off the wagon and likes boys again.

He’s OUT for now!

He made the usual denials, trying to keep his cash flowing, but the truth is, his own therapy seems to be failing.

You’d think, after all I’ve said so far, I’d be more open to this poor man with bunches of cash. Something I’ve not elaborated on, folks. George, in trying to support his version of a family, has destroyed many, many others. He is called on as a witness for several court cases to make sure that gays and lesbians are put down and out. For example, this ‘expert’ made sure that discrimination was institutionalized by testifying that gays are permitted to be excluded by the Boy Scouts back in 1998. He also just gave testimony that states that anyone with a gay man in a household cannot adopt children (the gay adoption ban) in the state of Florida due to a high rate of alcoholism. That was as recently as 2008.

And now this. He tells others to hate gays but is one himself.

I guess for me, it’s the money issue. This man made thousands of dollars off of people who are having trouble with being gay—telling young men and women to hate themselves and to act a way that was contrary to how they feel.

And yet, secretly, he was indulging in the same thing.

I should pity him, but I think back to Ted Haggard who is also supposedly fixed. How many teenagers tried to kill themselves due to his angry words against gays from his pulpit? And now, and now, this man takes a spill???How many families has he destroyed as well?

I am having a hard time find sympathy.

As a bear, I wanna buy him a drink and fix him up with a friend of mine.

Jon Paulk, see, he worked for Focus too, and had his own therapy, “Love Won Out.” And then was caught buying drinks at a gay bar in Washington DC back in 2000. Another poster child for these stupid ministries. There’s the Paul Crouch fiasco, where he was bonking one of his Trinity Television boys back in 2004. Paul Barnes was sleeping with his church members, men, in 2006 in nearby Douglas County. And yeah, he was a big supporter of ex-gay ministries.

And I want the government to ban these horrid things.

That's my growling this time around!

Another update for this week....

Don't Ask Don't Tell Crap, again...

Okay, okay, this is like, what, the one hundredth post about this stupid policy? Well, yes it is, folks. The fact of the matter is, in order to achieve equality, it has to be across the board. And the military is a big step. When the military intergrated, there was no denying that change was coming for civil right in America. You can't deny this. This week's travesty? A letter from Mr. Gates, one of those honchos in charge of the military. Here, take a look here to take a read.

Now, I'm confused. Basically, theya re saying the military should be given time to think about changing over to letting gays and lesbians being equal. I hate to go all emotional on their butts, but the fact is, we've always been in the military. What is there to think about, exactly? For all my IQ, I can't really find much.  Separate housing? Hmmmm. Doubt it. Living in a dorm as a queer, there was nothing wrong with it. You learn your space. In fact, you learn to shut off that part of your brain. Military benefits for partners?
Are you fucking kidding me? Of course. Equality means that. If you're uncomfortable, it means you're scared.  You have a bunch of Boomers in control who still think the Cold War is going on, I'm thinking.

Now before anyone gets all "You're getting all antimilitary, Bardy, there's no reason for that." 

I have to disagree. You are only seeing these words I type. The fact of the matter is, when I taught public high school,  I encouraged those for whom they weren't sure of their future that the military is an excellent opportunity to excel. In fact, I wrote a paper ENCOURAGING war in Afghanistan in the late 80's, specifically for the reasons we invaded in 2001.

Right now, I have a family member overseas. To me, he is more than a hero than I'll ever see. Right now, the Republicans are trying to illustrate those who are having a problem with this policy as unpatriotic. Makes sense, I suppose, if you want to encourage voters to vote against anyone with left leanings. However, those in the G.O.P., Boomers who lived through the Vietnam Conflict, see the protesters as extensions of the Hippies. My own mother, when I said something negative about the Desert Storm invasion in 1990, mentioned, "Bardy, you don't call them Baby--Killers, do you?"

That's the mentality we're dealing with here, an inability to escape the past. A want and need to maintain what happened before. In a world that changes every few minutes, it makes sense to try to. But the fact is, Dear Mother and Boomers, I never spit on a solider. In fact, I wore a huge button on my pancho (it was college!) and made it clear, as much as I hated the war and the politicians involved, I SUPPORTED OUR TROOPS.

And the same deal with this repeal.

I WANT more troops. I want the military to be big and strong. Our work overseas isn't completed yet. And I can't help thinking that repealing DADT will encourage men and women to join-those who didn't before. I doubt it will be a tidal wave, but it would be a step forward.

Frankly, I think the G.O.P. can really encourage further voters to move in their direction if they rid themselves of the DADT bit and legalize marriage. Watch what happens....

__________________________________________________________________________________

this picture means nothing, I just needed some happy and cute..

Speaking of the military, I gotta say something about the following video:

Telephone Remake

First off, my first thought is, um, shouldn't they be doing more work over there in Afghanistan? I mean, here I am arguing for them and their placement there (if you want me to elaborate on my own personal reasons for the invasion, just ask!) and they're making Gaga videos!

But I found out the little red-headed hottie actually has two moms! That's freegin' awesome! He's straight, to be sure, but is probably a bit cooler than most due his family.  However, as you'll see, suddenly there's a link between him and the military and all this stuff. Like we have to somehow remove DADT to let this stuff happen.

Um, what?

The only reason I am calling attention to it is because, well, it's funny and cute and positive. The fact is, folks, we need moments to celebrate every moment of every day. I just wanted to share it with you as well. I didn't mean for it to follow the DADT whine I just made.

Besides, there's nothing hotter then a Red Bear with the moves, ya know? I just like seeing happy people doing happy things.

Speaking of which, I like to read happy things too...like this post  from one of his two mothers. You can see the pride. And a competeing Disney Board, other than MiceChat, but, something this fun should also be recognized.

___________________________________________________________________________________
A BEAR NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE

Nancy Pelosi's recent declaration that the President needs to get moving on DADT (there it is again, folks, so you're going to see me reporting more and more about it...) means she's on her side. She must also have a thing for your Bear fans. Looks like she went hunting for a ursa major and boy, did she find one! 

Ladies and Gentlebears, I give you Joe Novoty, the House Reader!

Can you believe it?

Now, really, I know it's not that big of a deal, but there's something to be said here. He'll be a confidant to Mrs. Pelosi. His responsiblity when it comes to the House will be huge. And he'll be OUT and proud.

And he's a BEAR!

Again, like the video, we need to celebrate every moment of positive-ness we can these days!

Just thought I'd point that out.

Alright, take care and I'll growl again next week.

Where Lutherans are Concerned (don't worry, folks, it's not church bashing, it's actually a praise!)

Not many of hunters in the woods know that before I got my first real decent coat of fur, I was going to be a minister. My fur is turning all polar these days, friends, so that should tell you how old this ursine fellow really is!

Seriously. Stop laughing. I went to a big ole Minnesotan Lutheran College and I was required to take some religion courses. I was going to major in communications (for whatever that meant…basically honing my growling you’re looking at now) but I took some basic literugy classes and some sacrament classes and I realized that I really had a snout for the Lutheran faith.

Prior to that, I’d not had religion really pushed in my family. My mother’s family was a mix; my dad’s family was strict Lutheran. So Ma let me choose on my own. Given time, I went to several churches on my own, yep, total solo, including one I really liked—where the minister was a friend of my uncle, who was also minister.

And given that it wasn’t forced on me, I started to enjoy going to church. It made me self-reflect on all of my cub-dom and I found it really helped me keep my actions in order.

It also gave me profound agony is the heart department. Finally away from the flirtations of high school (surely, there were moments and brief daillances, but nothing ‘serious’ as it were), college also helped me realize something.

I was a bear.

And I really liked men.

Coming to this realization to all of these feelings I had over the 18 years prior, this then-cub was coming out of the proverbial closet.

Hold up a bit. Now I realized, quite quickly, that I had a knack for philosophy. I could see myself as a minister, I really could. I got the abstract understanding of religions, and saw how they guided actions and feelings. I could do it. Better, I knew I didn’t want to be a corporate wage-slave. I wanted to know I was giving to people and the community at large. I didn’t want to just work for cash and for tax breaks. I wanted the intrinsic value of employment, as rare as it would be.

The two worlds collided. Since one was biological (the gay side) and one was philosophical (the minister side), I knew that being a minister could never be. I couldn’t cut off being gay. I mean, I could stop being with men, to be sure, but I was not going to be a priest.

I moved my goals over to being a teacher, which, when you think about it, is quite similar, and moved my philosophies about as well. I had also taken a World Religions course so I knew that the universal truths of one faith would be carried over to another. I also had grown up with a myriad of faith about my life---I knew that different religions can exist together, no matter what others boasted.

But my heart broke a little those days in the snows of Northern Minnesota.

I became a Buddhist and a Taoist and I have to say, I became quite good at those philosophies. I kept my Christian beliefs as well. Believe it or not, you can be a Buddhist and a Taoist and a Christian, regardless of what others say.

And I grew fur and took up hibernatin’ with the Otter.

Until, of course this:  Historic Vote in the Lutheran Church
I’ve gone on this long tirade to introduce something wonderful that happened. It would have been better if there was no need to vote on any part of it, but well, I guess beggars can’t be choosers, right? My husOtter and myself have tried many, many different churches over these years and have never been satisfied. I have found several Lutheran churches that have congregations that are called “Reconciled in Christ” that sounded majorly like where I wanted to be-but alas, this bear could not find a home.

They were all in Denver.

Then there was the organization of Lutherans Concerned, designed to keep gays and lesbians in the church. Maybe a group like that would be the encouragement I needed to come back to the ELCA.

They were all in Denver.

Still, I refuse to give up hope. So they voted (read the link) and made some great strides towards equality. Methinks, however, that the churches here in Conservative-ville will just stay the same.

They aren’t in Denver.

And all my hopes will be dashed. But that hasn’t happened yet.

So this year of change moves on. And I’m liking yet another aspect of it all.

Just looking through the news...since I missed you guys for two weeks!

President Obama and His Memo (click the link to see the actual memo...)


After reading about this: Sonoma County CA separates Elderly Gay Couple

I'm reminded about something that happens in my own family. It’s not out of anger, mind, just a situation that burns me to my soul. My brother, that romancer in a ponytail, lives with one of the nicest people I know—and have known, apparently, since elementary school. She knew my family from when we lived in New York, where her family lived around the corner. Time passed and her and my brother ended up in the same space. My brother, not really forthcoming in the wedding ring department after two wonderfully dramatic marriages just kept it simple and moved in with her.

And after seven weeks together in Colorado, they have a common law marriage. Regardless of the fact this bear cave has been in existence since August 14th, 2001 (when the Otter brought my step cat with him and decided to stay a bit), my brother only had seven weeks. Seven weeks and he can help her, legally, on a mulititude of items. This would include helping divvy up her estate after her passing and making sure her family is included.

And people wonder what we are fighting for in all of our screaming, yelling and growling. This bear, for one, wants what the ponytailed brother has. We were raised the same, have the same feelings and beliefs—but he gets more because he is with a woman.

I don’t get it.

So Obama made this memo. I really hope it means something. I’m reminded of President Clinton who made many, many overtures to the bears of the world. And then, once in the White House, he actually did follow through, believe it or not, tackling gays in the military almost immediately.

SIDENOTE: Lesbians in the military are a given. Have you seen them? I mean, seriously. It’s almost redundant. But think of the bears. Yeah, they’ll have to shave off their beards, but with all the grunting and woofing? AND a gun? Massively appropriate…or not. Maybe that’s what they are afraid of.

Clinton hit a wall that created the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. He didn’t realize that Washington and the military, in particular, are not exactly places were decisions are made quickly or in favor of equality. They are full of myriads of people with their hands out waiting for their fair share. Being ‘equal’ is just too much of an ideal to really move on it. Poor Clinton was forced to agree to this terrible policy lest something worse comes forth.

Obama is in the same boat, folks, we have to be serious about this. He wants change, but there are too many people who have power that are waiting for some kind of payment. I’m reminded of the Republicans. They wanted all these concessions in the Health Care bill. This included the removal of anything related to GBL communities. So Obama and the House removed everything to keep them voting for the bill.

They voted against it anyways.

So now? No rights in the health care bill for my bear-brethren. The bill passed, but we’re screwed…again.

Obama is realizing that getting things moving in a system that is so stagnant is virtually impossible. I can only imagine what his face is going to look like at the end of all of this.

How can he get equal rights for gays and lesbians in a system that is so basically fucked over?

This memo, to me, is a show of good faith. But the fact is it means nothing. First, look at the story about the Sonoma County couple. This, my friends, is what Mr. Bespectled is looking at and panicking about. I worry, horribly about my Otter. If he were sick and they held me at the door? I’d be in prison for punching an elder nurse and taking out a doctor with two upper cuts and a face claw.

Of course, I’d be arrested and Otter would die alone. But I wouldn’t be allowed in anyway.

How can the red states not see this?

And poor Obama—he can’t get shit done these days with Republicans standing in his way with their hands out. There is no benefit in giving equal rights in their opinion.

Now comes the part you, dear reader, will hate. The church gives a shitload of money to the G.O.P. Think about it. Voting in favor of equal rights would mean that they would lose more cash, since the church uses queers as cannon fodder to provide for themselves.

I keep thinking about ticks on a mule for some reason.

I just wish he could do more for us then just a memo. Yes, it’s a show of good faith, and I know he’s trying. But I shouldn't have to be growling about this...I should be growling about how I was shortchanged at the coffeehouse or that hotels at D-Land are too expensive. Not about if my husOtter is going to live. That bothers me more....

A Thunderous Roar

Robin Williams is outdated. His manic approaches to presentation, though probably appropriate with the manic presentations of entertainment these days, have become massively repetitive and I rarely enjoy watching him. However, he did say one quote I’ve used again and again in my life.
“It’s sad our nation was established by people so stuffy that even the English threw them out.”

Now, you have to understand the English as a people to get the joke. They are massively stifling. They are polite to a fault, insulting you to your face but making you wonder if you should be upset or not. Their humor is completely based on if you are in on the joke or not.

The Puritans left the United Kingdom with the intent of practicing even more religion then they could in the open minded hills of Britain. They arrived and had a profound impact on this nation’s development. You can see it on a daily basis. I mean, where else do they argue if the President says, “God bless America,” but don’t feed the homeless or fund medical insurance?

Yes, those wacky Puritans, have pretty much fucked us all over.

Especially me.

See, I wanna get married. And I want to do it now. If you were to travel north, to Canada, I have rights. Now if I go to Mexico, I’d have rights. I can go to the Old World, like England or Spain…I have marriage rights. How can those countries do it without combusting?

But here? They argue about the term ‘marriage.’ They don’t even want to give us civil rights, federal or state or even local.

They want us to pay our taxes. They want us to pay our bills; they just don’t want us to be happy.

And it is hard to not want to hit someone.

I bring this up as a bear. I’m already not in the hot, cute, thin man group of studs the gay bar claims or are posted in Abercrombie and Fitch catalogs. Now I’m arguing with others in my own gay rights movement. I read yesterday in Out magazine that we should just accept civil unions and move on. This coming from Alan Cummings, NightCrawler, for goodness’ sakes!

This bothers me to no end. I love my hus-otter. And the thought that I might die tomorrow, hit by a busload of churchers coming back from a political retreat sponsored by Focus on the Family, and he won’t be protected or he has to jump through 800 hoops to get what he deserves—that bothers me.

I heard recently that Texas wants to remove some Thomas Jefferson quotes from textbooks in schools. And I can't believe people aren't screaming.

I see we’re going the wrong way. We’re moving towards laws that have a religious background. We’re moving towards a society that still thinks the Earth is quite flat. I say this here in the coffeehouse seated beside a group discussing ‘marriage’ as part of a church group and across from another group, this time teens, reading from a ‘When God Writes Your Love Story, Dating for Guys and Girls.’ These people are thriving. And they’re not totally wrong. They have been granted these freedoms and, by all means, should pursue them.


However, I get the nagging suspicion they’d make sure I’d never get married either.

Now, not only am I a Bear, but I’m going to risk going against many in my small gay culture on this one too. I deserve to get married and nothing less. Not to only to get those rights, but probably to teach this schmucks that their beliefs end at the ballot box.

That America is for all of us—not just those who see things their way.

But here’s where I differ and this is why I’m torn. I’m a fighter, but not in the manner you’d think. I’m practicing what they don’t. Eastern Philosophies tell us that desire causes such angst. So to combat that, I’m going to be myself---however, I’m going to do it VERY LOUDLY. I’m going to be Out. And I’m going to talk to those who will argue. And I’m going to be happy every time I do it. I’ve read about civil disobedience. Maybe that will work better than yelling.

And yes, Robin, it is sad. Because, under the Puritan guidance all I can see is further dark times.

I’m going to make sure I enjoy every moment in it.

My first growlings

Started reading that book and I have say, I've come to a conclusion that I didn't expect.

Bears are pretty damn educated. Why now would I say that? If you look at the stereotype the bears put out there, you see a big, burly man who is comforting but has the dimwit of masculinity that has been perpetuated by our society. They grunt to show appreciation.

But I started reading. Now, understand, I had the tshirts, hats and saw the calendars. Pictures, really, and there was no connection. But when you see academics discussing concepts like sub-cultures and details of the like, you know you're hearing some really smart-smart talks.

Bears are smart, it seems.

I mean, as I'm reading this, I'm realizing a large portion of this mini-group in the large gay population has basically created a movement. Not let's define a movement. That's when people rise up against tyranny and wrongdoing. But the gay community has done nothing wrong.

But it has. It's harpooned me numerous times before. THe fact is, I'm round. I'm a big, bruly man, fat as VW bug only less appealing. I spent my first years of coming ougt dealing with the added stress of not being a clone of every model found in GQ magazine. It hurt. Badly. I spent many a night alone.

And now I'm realizing, I wasn't. There was this small group of men like myself. Smart men. And instead of getting angry, they hung together and went to clubs together. They danced together. They used their collective support system to walk and talk to the clone young men and get a date or two.

And it worked.

I don't know about you, but the stupid way to do it would be to get angry. Anger creates enemies. But this Bear community decided to play the game their way, but making more friends both within and then outside.

That sounds smart to me.

And I like it. I see these men give each other huge Bear-hugs whereever they go and it shows me something--that they accept everyone into their little group. In fact, the book I'm reading really warns against labeling the Bear community fully. For when we define it totally, that leaves out some people. And that is not what the Bears wish to do. They want everyone to dance with them.

I'm reminded of the Tao and how Lao-Tzu was so reluctant to put the philosophy down on paper for the same reason...

Great. Finding Taoism in Bear culture. That's just weird.

But it's smart. Just like a bear.